I wish I could say I have a glimmer of understanding or feeling of resurrection. I have a belief in the Resurrection, but not an experience of it. Perhaps that is why we retell the story of Easter every year. Would we need to tell it, if we had the inner deed alive in our thoughts, feelings and will?
Like Rudolf Steiner, I don’t think the human soul is ready to experience the truth of inner resurrection. According to Dr Steiner with all his wisdom, we have a few more incarnations before we can have a living experience of resurrection.
How can we experience the Resurrection, if we keep the suffering of Gethsemane, the betrayal, all the events of Good Friday and the descent into hell safe in a story, in versions that aren’t our own?
The story of Easter Sunday fills me with awe, hope and joy as the resurgence of Nature fills me with delight every Spring. As a being living between spirit and nature, struggling to know my humanity and my individuality, I do not doubt that my spiritual and moral development is leading me slowly to the capacity for pure love that will cause me to die for everyone and the freedom from the laws of nature allowing me to rise from my own death to love again.
But for now, I hope for little excruciating moments of felt inner death followed by a powerful quickening of new life. Do I trust that I will be awake to these dim reflections of Inner Easter Mysteries? Once in a while. More often I am asleep to them or barely dreaming their reality.
What grows stronger in me with each Easter as I strive to find words for connecting what is so faint within me to what can be found in the Gospels is the certainty that at some time in the future over a span of great time, one by one we will each crystalize these mysteries in our souls and know in every cell, every breath, every waking moment the power of our own resurrection. We will no longer find a sting in death. And the greatest story ever told will no longer need to be spoken because it will live in each of us and we will recognize it in everyone.